The Ultimate Best Man Duties Guide: Stag Do, Speeches & Wedding Day

It can happen to you anywhere, at any time. You could be in the pub, relaxing on your sofa with a beer, or enjoying a nice meal. But whenever it happens, you'll always remember the moment you are asked the most important question of all...

“Will you be my best man?”

The moment after you have agreed (and I’m assuming you will agree – he wouldn’t have asked if he wasn’t expecting you to!), you might find yourself overwhelmed with the responsibilities. Organising a stag do. Making sure Great-Aunt Mildred stays off the whiskey. Trying not to chat up all the bridesmaids at once. Oh, and making a speech in front of everyone the bride and groom know and love!

Well, don’t panic. We are here to help. This guide covers everything you need to know about being a legendary best man, from the stag do to the speech and covering all of the important areas in between.

Best Man Duties Checklist: Before the Wedding

If there is one piece of advice you should always remember, it is this: As the best man, preparation is key – do not leave everything until the last minute. And if you need a second piece of advice, it is this: DO NOT LEAVE EVERYTHING UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE! (and yes, I know that second piece of advice is simply the first piece repeated and louder, but trust me, it’s essential!

It's often the case that after you've been asked, there is a significant amount of time until the wedding—maybe a year or more. You may think you don’t need to worry about anything for ages, but that is just not true. As well as being a support for the groom (who will already be knee-deep in wedding planning), you’ve got two big jobs right away.

• Helping the Groom with Suit Shopping
• Planning the Stag Do

One of these is considered vital by the bride, and the other is considered vital by the groom, so you need to make sure you are prioritising whichever one needs prioritising at that time.

Part One - Suit Shopping

One of your first jobs is to go with the groom to look at suits. You are there for moral support and honest feedback. Regardless of how scruffy he is on a normal day, the groom wants to look his best at his wedding. This is the one time you can tell him that a particular suit makes him look like a penguin waddling across an ice flow. Be Honest. He will thank you for it. But it’s not just about the moral support, you have three other responsibilities while you are helping with the suit shopping:

• Know the Colour: The groom will have been told the colour scheme. It won't be "Blue"; it will be "Lavender Mist" or "Burnt Amber." If he has a swatch (a piece of fabric), bring it. If not, pray.
• Encourage him to ask for help: If you aren’t used to them, suit shops can be weird places full of confusing terminology and the risk of making expensive mistakes. It’s OK for either of you to ask the shop assistant for help. They do this every day.
• The Reward: It is a scientific fact that suit shops make men thirsty. You must ensure you visit a pub directly afterwards. Suggested dosage is a minimum of three pints.

And that’s job one done and dusted! It wasn’t so hard, was it?

Part Two - The Stag Do

This is the big one. Regardless of all your other duties, the one that will rise to the top of your mind first is the Stag Do. But where do you start? After all, it’s a big deal and you need to make sure that you are sorting it out effectively and confidently – so it’s best to start with a few essentials:

• The Guest List & Communication - The first step is the guest list. The average stag party tends to have 12-14 people—big enough for a party, small enough to organise.
• Set up a WhatsApp Group: We strongly advise setting this up immediately to make collective decisions and disseminate information. Also to share memes (you don’t need to actively do this, it’ll just happen naturally!)
• Beware the Ghosts: Some guys will confirm immediately. Others will "ghost" your messages but still expect a place booked for them. Be firm with deadlines!
• The Dads & In-Laws: Be honest with them about the plans. If you are going to a strip club or drinking until 4am, let them know so they can make an informed decision on whether to join the stag do – we all know some dads are well up for it and some would be happy to be asked and will politely turn it down!

Where to go? Choosing the best Stag Do Destination

The first major decision when choosing a stag do destination is whether to stay in the UK or travel abroad? There are advantages and disadvantages to both – destinations abroad can be cheaper when you are there and give you the chance for experiences and activities you just can’t get in the UK, whereas destinations in the UK tend to be easier to get to and more flexible because people aren’t having to get flights etc. Whichever of these destination decisions you choose, you’ll need to give the following questions some serious thought:

What is everyone’s budget?

Honest communication is required here. Don't excite the stag with ideas of Vegas if half the group can only afford Blackpool. You don't want to price friends out of the trip – it’s more important to have the people there than to visit an extravagant destination.

• The Location Rule: If you are booking a city break, look for a hotel within 1-2km of the city centre. You don't want to spend your entire budget on taxis just to get to the activities and bars.
• Accommodation Types: Hotels are the most common accommodation type, but apartments and private houses are also popular options. Just remember that if you book a private house, check the damage deposit requirements first so you aren’t surprised if you arrive and are asked for a refundable deposit!

What to do? Picking the Right Stag Activities

Once the location is chosen, what are you actually going to do? (Apart from drinking, of course!). The stag will have a bunch of activities he wants to do (or you’ll have some you want to make him take part in for fun), so pick whatever you want, but just bear these helpful pointers in mind.

• Check the Logistics: Paintball venues and Karting tracks are often well outside the city centre. Check the distance between your hotel and the activity – if it’s a decent drive, then it can often be cheaper to book a local minibus service than to take multiple taxis.
• Don't Overfill the Itinerary: Don't try to cram too many activities in. You want to enjoy the weekend without constantly hustling to and from events. One or two activities per day is usually plenty.
• The Morning After: Instructors will breathalyse you for driving activities like Quads or Karts. Do not schedule these for 9am Saturday morning if you are planning a heavy night on Friday!

Collecting the Money

This is often the most stressful part of planning the stag do. Money is always annoying even when dealing with friends, but especially when you are booking such a big event. You will generally need to pay deposits when booking hotels and activities, and it can just be a logistical nightmare to organise. Rather than struggling through this on your own, however, this is where using a stag do organiser is really going to help. Rather than having to mess about with your own strict deadlines and chase late payers, that’s just one of the many things that a stag do organiser can do for you!

Why You Should Use a Stag Do Organiser

Being a best man is an amazing honour, but you may well need help! After all, you have to plan speeches, look after the rings, support and advise the groom, all while trying to organize 15 lads who can't even organise their own socks, so why not get a bit of help with the organisation?

If the thought of chasing late payments and finding stag-friendly hotels makes you want to cry, here are three reasons to let us do the heavy lifting:

• We Are The Experts: We have been organising stag dos since 2009. We know which hotels accept stags (many don't!) and which activities are actually worth the money.
• Individual Payments: The biggest headache for a Best Man is collecting money. We provide an online system where each lad pays their share directly to us. You don't have to be the debt collector.
• Your Money is Protected: We are a fully bonded company. Your money is held in a trust account until your event takes place, offering you total financial protection that booking direct often can't match.

Part Three - The Best Man Speech

You’ve shopped for suits, you’ve survived the stag do. Now you face the most famous part of being a best man: The Speech.

Arguably, the best man’s speech is the most important speech of the day. The Father of the Bride's speech is heartfelt. The Groom's speech is full of thank-yous. Yours? Yours is the one they will remember. So how to approach it? Just be methodical – we’ve got some tips for you here!

Structuring Your Masterpiece

• The Opening: Say good evening and introduce yourself. This is a good time to thank the groom for inviting you and maybe thank the bar staff for a low-key icebreaker! Always a good idea to open with a joke.
• The Middle: Talk about your relationship with the groom. Use amusing anecdotes that highlight what a great guy he is. Try to link them to the bride if you can.
• The End: Finish with thanks, one last joke, and a toast. Then sit down and enjoy your wine.
  

Speech Cheat Sheet: Need an Opener?

Struggling to find a funny way to start your speech? Why not use a bit of history to break the ice? We've dug up some facts you can steal:

• The "Spartan" Angle: Stag dos actually date back to the 5th Century Spartans. They would hold a dinner to toast the groom before battle.
  The Joke: "So tonight we celebrate [Groom] in the traditional Spartan way. Although looking at him, I'm not sure he'd last 5 minutes in the movie '300'."
• The "God of Fertility" Angle: The term "Stag" is believed to be linked to Cernunnos, the ancient Celtic Horned God of Fertility and Animals
  The Joke: "History tells us the Stag represents the God of Fertility. I invite you all to look at [Groom] right now... does he look like a God of Fertility to you?"
• The "Naked Dessert" Angle: In 1896, Herbert Barnum Seeley threw a bachelor party in New York that was raided by police because a dancer was found hiding inside a giant dessert.
  The Joke: "We tried to keep things traditional tonight like the Barnum party of 1896. But unfortunately, we couldn't find a pudding big enough to hide [Best Man's name] in."

Golden Rules for a Killer Speech

• The Timing: Keep it between 3-5 minutes. Longer than that, and guests will tune out, shorter and it’ll feel like you never got started. Short but sweet is the order of the day.
• Be Appropriate: The age range at a wedding is wide. Pitch your speech to the elderly relatives, not your mates. If you are wondering if a joke is appropriate, it probably isn't. Keep it clean (ish).
• Don't Roast the Bride: Do not make any inappropriate jokes at the bride's expense. You don't want to be the guy who starts a fight at the wedding.
• Start Early: Plan it a month or two in advance. Last-minute speeches are rarely "killer" speeches.

Practice Makes Perfect

Once you’ve got your speech prepared, practice it. Record yourself on your phone to see how it sounds. Write it down on bullet-point cards so if your mind goes blank, you can quickly get back in the flow.

Part Four - Duties on the Wedding Day

Your job on the day is simple: Steer the groom through the best day of his life – here’s a couple of essential things to keep in mind:

• Breakfast: Take him for a proper meal. It grounds him and settles the nerves.
• The Drink: One drink for "Dutch Courage" is fine. Five drinks is a disaster waiting to happen. Keep him steady.
• Problem Solving: If Great-Aunt Hilda can't sit near Uncle Ross because of a feud over a tea set from 1998, make sure the ushers know. Solve problems before the bride even notices them.

Once the speeches are done and the dancing starts, your job is complete. Grab a drink, loosen your tie, and enjoy the party. You’ve earned it.

Need Help Organising the Ultimate Stag Do?

If reading all of that made you sweat, don't panic. You don't have to do it all alone.

The Stag and Hen Experience has been organizing legendary weekends since 2009. We have an unrivalled database of quality suppliers, hotels, and activities.

If you want to take the hassle out of the planning . Click through to browse our top destinations, accommodation options and activities or get in touch with our expert team who will build the package for you, your experience starts here

Good luck with the speech!