The Best Man's Survival Guide: How to Survive the Stag Do
Light at the end of the tunnel
Being the best man is an honour, but organizing the stag do can be like entering a battlefield. You are the captain of this ridiculous mob - responsible for the money, the morale, and ensuring the groom makes it back in one piece.
But don’t panic! We can help. We have compiled the complete best man’s survival guide, covering everything you may need, from what to pack in your emergency kit right through to the unwritten rules of strip clubs.
Part 1: The Stag Do Survival Kit
It is important to remember one thing on the stag do – the groom is the guest of honour, but you are the leader (for better or for worse). When things go wrong, people will look to you to fix any problem and right any wrong. Pack these essentials and you be hailed as a hero.
Paracetamol & Berocca: The hangover cure of champions. Hand these out at breakfast and you will be loved forever.
Rehydration Salts (Dioralyte): Essential for surviving a heavy weekend in hot destinations like Benidorm or Ibiza. (Or even Newquay if it’s the height of summer!)
A Printed Map/Hotel Card: Phones die. Data roaming fails. A physical card with the hotel address in the local language (especially in Eastern Europe) is a lifesaver for lost stags.
Wet Wipes: The "festival shower." Vital for freshening up between activities if you don't have time to go back to the hotel.
Emergency Cash: Keep £50/€50 separate from your beer money (and preferably in a different place to your wallet!). This is your "get home safe" fund for when everyone is broke, you miss your planned transport or you lose your wallet!
Part 2: Fancy Dress (Do's and Don'ts)
Stitching up the groom is tradition and can be one of the most fun things to do on a stag do, but you’ve got to be careful about it. After all, getting refused entry to bars and clubs isn't fun and will absolutely derail your night no matter how funny the costume may be. Here is how to do fancy dress right so that you can enjoy the funniest ideas without ruining the rest of the night out.
The "Safe" Options (Allowed in most bars)
Stag in Drag: A classic. It’s funny, harmless, and usually accepted in most UK bars without any hassle. Just don't expect to get into high-end clubs or any other kind of posh nightspots!
Where's Wally: Is close enough to real clothes that you’ll get away with it in basically all UK bars and clubs. Plus it’s really great for keeping track of the stag. After all, if you lose him, you can just scan the crowd for stripes.
Charity Shop Challenge: Give everyone £5 (or make them spend their own money) to buy the worst outfit they can find from a charity shop. It’s cheap, funny, and avoids "group costume" bans, because you’re just a selection of badly dressed lads, rather than an obvious costumed group!
The "Risky" Options (Avoid these)
Mankinis: You will be refused entry almost everywhere – and anywhere that does let you is probably somewhere you don’t want to go! Plus, nobody wants to see that while eating breakfast (or lunch, or dinner!)
Offensive/Political Costumes: Just don't. You will attract trouble from locals, bouncers, and possibly the police. It’s not going to be a fun stag do if you are running away from people…
Replica Police/Military Uniforms: Illegal in many countries. Do not do this abroad. In fact, it’s probably best to just outright not do this one.
Part 3: The Drunk Food Hierarchy
At 3am, you need fuel. But although all takeaways think that they are created equal, we all know that some takeaways are more equal than other. Here is our official ranking of end-of-night food options.
1. The Kebab (Doner): The undisputed king. It’s portable, requires no cutlery, and contains enough salt to help with tomorrow's hangover. Only disadvantage is that you may end up with chili sauce fingers! (Don’t forget to wash them before you have to go to the loo – no-one wants chili sauce ending up somewhere it shouldn’t be!)
2. The Burger: A solid choice, but risky. One slip and the filling is on the floor. Eat with caution, preferably when sitting down.
3. Cheesy Chips: The safe bet. Cheap, warm, and impossible to mess up. Plus if you drop them then it’s unlikely they’ll all fall out, which means you should be able to recover some.
4. Pizza: Delicious, but logistically difficult. Carrying a giant square box while drunk is a recipe for disaster, and it’s the takeaway most likely to be left on a bus / in a taxi / on a wall.
Part 4: Etiquette & Advice
The word etiquette may seem weird and old-fashioned when considering what to do on a stag do, but it’s not out of place – there are, after all, certain things you should and should not do.
How to Handle Strip Clubs
We spoke to performers to get the inside scoop on how to not be "that guy" when you are enjoying an evening at a strip club.
1. Don't Touch: It’s the golden rule. You will be thrown out immediately.
2. Be Polite: The dancers are working. Basic manners go a long way.
3. No Photos: Keep your phone in your pocket. Flash photography is the quickest way to get a bouncer's attention.
The Non-Drinker's Guide
Not everyone drinks, and that’s absolutely fine. Whether you’ve got one or several members of the stag who choose not to drink, here is how to include them:
Activities: Focus on things like Go-Karting or Paintball where sobriety is actually an advantage (and required!). If you know there are non drinkers, don’t make drinking activities a centrepiece of the stag do.
Abandon The Rounds System: In this day and age of ever-increasing drinks prices, a lot of stags abandon the rounds system anyway – but if you are doing rounds, keep the non-drinker(s) separate. After all, while non-alcoholic drinks CAN cost as much as alcoholic ones, they often don’t. Don't make the non-drinker pay for a round of Jagerbombs when all they were getting was a coke! Let them buy their own drinks or keep a separate kitty for them.
Nightlife: When you are choosing bars and pubs to spend your evenings in, ensure that you pick venues with activities (Pool, Bowling, Darts). This way, you can all focus on something that isn’t just drinking, and drinkers and non-drinkers alike are able to enjoy their evening without worrying about whether it is entertaining.
Choosing a Hotel
The Golden Rule: Book "Stag Friendly" accommodation. Many hotels have a strict "No Stags" policy and will turn you away at the door. If you want help with this, that’s the sort of thing that we can help with, so it’s always worth an ask!
Location: Pay extra to be central. Saving £20 on a hotel is pointless if you spend £50 on taxis getting to the bars – bear in mind some types of activities (Go-Karting, Paintball etc) tend to be outside of the city centre, so don’t get hoodwinked by hotels claiming to be close to the activities – it’s more important to be close to the bars. After all, you can drive to and from the activities, you can’t drive home from a night on the town!
Breakfast: Ensure breakfast is included (or, failing that, that there is a very close local cheap breakfast option – Wetherspoons, McDonalds, Local Café etc). You will need it.
I know this seems like a lot, but if you take the salient points from this guide and make sure you are paying attention to it, you as the best man will preside over one of the greatest stag dos of all time.