Real Newquay Stag Review: Mikey's Surf Lodge Weekend

We relive Mikey's stag do in Newquay. Today we'll be renting a minibus, hanging out in a surf lodge, and going out clubbing. We'll also be drinking... A lot.

I’d been looking forward to this for weeks. It’s the height of summer and I’m away with the lads on a stag weekend in Newquay. I had one rule—well, more of a grovel: “Please don’t get me too shit-faced!” Despite all the nodding there was something behind the smiles that said, “As if!”

Day 1: The Minibus & Surf Lodge

Luckily, one of the guys managed to commandeer a minibus. It came unbranded, which was fortunate because from the moment we got on, the carnage began. Ten lads in the back, singing, drinking, and pulling moonies at each other. We arrived in Newquay around midday, though my idea of time was slightly off by then. Parking is rare as hen’s teeth in this town, but luckily our accommodation had reserved spots.

Checking In: The Surf Lodge Experience

To cater for the surf crowd, accommodation in Newquay consists mainly of “surf lodges.” These are practically guest houses with bunk beds, but all the ones I’ve stayed in have been excellent. Our group pretty much took up the whole place. We were met by the owner, who immediately showed us to the pool room so we weren’t crowding reception. Then we saw it… he had only gone and got us a case of beer to demolish on arrival! 5 stars guaranteed.

Our accommodation was sharing rooms, with four lads to a room. They were clean, tidy, and definitely had a modern surf theme. We were all given key cards so we could roll in during the early hours.

Night 1: Dirty Berties

We met downstairs and decided to go to Berties. Everyone who has been on a Newquay stag do knows Dirty Berties. It’s a huge bar, smack bang in the middle of town. In the summer, the bi-fold doors open up, creating a massive continental-style vibe. Inside, there are sports screens, pool tables, and a banging nightclub underneath.

Brian (my best man) quickly nudged me and pointed outside. A group of hens in matching black t-shirts were walking past. We decided very quickly that these were our kind of people! The place is full of people up for a laugh who don’t take themselves too seriously. We hit a Wetherspoons later for cheap stodge before calling it a night—we had go-karting in the morning.

Day 2: Karting Carnage

I woke up with a banging head and the smell of stale lager. We breathalysed Dessie (the designated driver), and he was clean, so we headed out. We decided to hit the local Spoons for breakfast before the activity. No booze though—it’s a big no-no before karting.

We arrived at the track, and it was impressive. There’s a press cutting on the wall that says Jay Kay from Jamiroquai flew in by helicopter to race here! The track is huge, allowing 20 people to race at once. I was determined to win.

I was tearing the race a new one, leading all the way through, until Brian pulled off a pit manoeuvre on the last corner and spun me into a tyre wall. Tosser! I came fourth. One of our group got T-boned early on and decided he didn’t like karting after all. He earned himself the nickname ‘Driving Miss Daisy’ for the rest of the weekend.

Night 2: The Chaos Continues

Back to the hotel for a freshen-up, then straight back to Berties for Round 2. Newquay was absolutely packed. We ran into a load of rugby players in town for the Sevens tournament, so I learned some new drinking games (and regretted it immediately).

I swear we must have been in every bar in Newquay. I’m reliably informed that the night included trying to breakdance on concrete, swapping clothes with strangers, and letting a hen group use me as a life-size makeup model. Personally, I thought I looked fab! Luckily the tattoo artist refused to write ‘Made in Bournemouth’ on my arse, but the boys got hold of a Sharpie and did a homemade version instead.

In short: Newquay broke me, but it was legendary.

If you like the ideas of Mikey's stag do in Newquay and like to find out more about this superb seaside town, check out our essential guide to Newquay for more epic ideas.